do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
