so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
