just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
