i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
