i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
