Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
