ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
please come you make the beer taste better
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You need a sexual gate keeper
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
