Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize