Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize