shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize