Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
