My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
