I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
