Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize
