and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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