i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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