Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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