If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
