Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize