My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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