i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
