wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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