white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
