Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
