oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
her vagine was all disorganized.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
