I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
