is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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