so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
