butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
