Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
