I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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