i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
