Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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