...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
