From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
