Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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