Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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