I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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