a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
