Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
