You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
