I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
