Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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