Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You've changed since you got that strap on
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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