In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
