Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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