My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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