I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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