You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
