Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
