Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
