I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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