dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
