I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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