after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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