so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
