drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
