im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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