You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
