Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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