my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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