That's intense
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
