Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
