addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
