If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
