Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
