When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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