Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
