Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
